The Black Vortex was created by the Celestial Godhead, after a Viscardi named Gara expressed to the cosmic being the desire of their species to explore beyond their potential. Gara was the first of the Viscardi to submit to the Black Vortex's power. One year later, a war between the Viscardi left Gara as the sole survivor of her species. Twelve billion years later, the Black Vortex was located on the planet Kymellia III. After discovering its location, Mister Knife sent his crew, the Slaughter Squad, to Kymellia III to steal it from the Kymellians.
Part 1[]
1 [Quill.] Okay. The good news is, we saved the shrunken Kree home world, which is expanding back to its normal size. The bad news [computer.] Self-destruct in two minutes. is fairly self-explanatory. This is it, everyone. [clicks.] Peter, wait. Did you see that mirror - in the weapons vault? - You mind, Gamora? I'm trying to spend my final moments in this galaxy with some mid-'70s one-hit wonders. They might not have to be your final moments. That mirror is called the Black Vortex. Thanos said it was an indestructible prison. Drax approves of indestructible. Yeah, well, Rocket don't approve of no prison. - I am Groot. - Good point, bud. Ain't a prison in the galaxy I can't escape. The thing is, this prison isn't exactly in the galaxy. [alarm continues blaring.] [Quill.] I don't know, Gamora. This thing looks, like, super evil. - Self-destruct in 15 seconds. - Who am I to judge? Everyone hold hands so we don't get separated. I am Groot! [yells.] [yells.] [birds twittering.] [twittering.] [yawns.] Wha Where am I? [bird twittering.] [animals chittering softly.] [twittering.] Good morning, Princess Gamora. [screams.] [animals clamoring.] - Aah! - Oh, the horror! [exhales.] [birds twittering.] [yells.] Don't be scared, Princess Gamora. It's just us friendly woodland critters. - You can talk? - [laughing.] Of course I can. Every-birdie here can talk. [birds twittering.] - Huh? - Ugh! - Groot. Quill! - A quill, like a feather? [gasps.] If you need a feather, Princess, you can have one of mine! But what's a "Gwoot"? [giggles.] Groot and Quill are two of my friends. They were with me just a minute ago. There's no-bunny here but us. [giggling.] [gasps.] My comm link! And my blade! Where are they? Golly, I haven't seen anything like that around here. - Have you, Lopsy? - Uh-uh. I need my gear to find my friends, so whatever game you weird creatures are playing, I don't have time for it. Go on! Shoo! [animals clamoring.] [whimpering.] [sighs.] We're sorry, Princess. Don't be upset. Yeah. Bad things happen when you're not happy, Princess. You wouldn't like me when I'm sad. I know what will perk you up. Every-birdie knows you can't go wrong when you start your day out with a song! [animals.] Oh, it's time to sing the No singing, please! [animals groan.] Look, I'm not whoever you think I am. I'm not a princess, and I definitely do not sing. Well, of course you're a princess, silly. Your father Thanos ruled a whole planet! Plus you've got a wicked stepsister. - And such beautiful flowing hair. - Really? No! I don't have time for this. [animals groan.] You're trying to distract me. I have to find my gear so I can look for my friends. Maybe if you cleaned the place up, you'll find what you're looking for, Princess. I don't clean up after people. I save the galaxy, and people clean up after me! Oh, you'll never find your things with that attitude. - Come on, Princess! - Ugh! Fine. [animals whistling.] [groans.] It's time to sing the whistling song The whistling song, the whistling song When we all pitch in, it won't take long [groans.] If we sing the whistling song [Gamora approaching.] [animals.] It's time to sing the whistling song The whistling song, the whistling song When we all pitch in, it won't take long If we sing the whistling song Why is there so much talk of whistling in a song that's all sung? Don't question it. Just sing. You sing to pass the time while you're working. And you work to give you something to do while you're singing! [groans.] It's time to sing the whistling song The whistling song, the whistling song When we all pitch in, it won't take long If we sing the whistling song I just cleaned that. And now you get to clean it again. Hooray! It's time to sing the whistling song [groans, huffs.] The whistling song, the whistling song When we all pitch in, it won't take long [gasps.] If we sing the whistling song [evil chuckle.] [radio static.] Hmm? Huh? - Mmm! - Ooh, look what I found. You vermin stole my comm link! [shatters.] [comm link chirps.] Quill! Rocket! Can anyone read me? [static over comm link.] Where's my blade? [whimpering.] Uh, I don't know. [chuckles.] Maybe if we finish dusting the armoire [squeaks.] I've done enough cleaning. Blade or no blade, I'm getting out of here. A princess can't go out dressed like that. [groans.] A princess can dress any way she krutacking pleases. But I'm not that kind of princess! Come on, Princess! [chatter, laughter.] [Gamora grunts.] I said no! [animals gasp.] But But we worked all night on that dress. [crying.] Stop that. Stop crying. [crying.] I told ya you wouldn't like me when I'm sad. [electricity crackling.] [yelling.] [growling.] [grunts.] Aw, flarg. [roaring.] [animals roaring.] Look, I don't want to hurt you. They're not real. They're not real! [yells.] [screeching.] [grunting.] [screeching.] [grunts.] [growling.] How many of those things are there? [evil bleating.] [hisses.] [hissing.] [screeching.] [yells.] [yelling.] [angry chittering.] [snarling.] Yes! Every-bunny, meet the most dangerous princess in the galaxy. [screeching, growling.] [growling.] [grunts.] [yells.] Aaahhh! [angry hissing, chittering.] [animals growling.] [owl screeches.] [clamoring.] [yells.] [squeaks.] [warcry.] Well, that was sparkly. But I've got friends to find. [whistling the whistling song tune.] What is this place? And why am I so uncomfortable? What sinister horror is this? Drax does not wear sweaters! And what has happened to Groot and the others? And why do I persist in talking to myself? [man.] A hero? Don't make me laugh! Mark my words, Drax-Man is up to no good, or my name's not J. Jonah J'Son! Yeah? Well, same to you Mom! [ringer bell on phone dings.] Drax! Where's my Drax-Man photos? - "Drax-Man"? - Yeah. Drax-Man. You know, the elusive, costumed vigilante who sells my papers and pays your rent. I want fresh, new, incriminating photos of that bare-chested menace on my desk by 4:00! That angry man resembles Quill's father, but that is not possible, for J'Son of Spartax does not have gray hair. Also, he is not alive. Hmm. I suspect that I am actually the costumed adventurer Drax-Man. [narrator.] No one suspects that mild-mannered photographer Drax is actually - the costumed adventurer Drax-Man. - Who said that? The mystery of his amazing double-identity was revealed in issue number 32, "The Secret Origin of Drax-Man!" [squawks.] I was just in an office. How did I come to be in this vehicle? Real estate agent/saxophone enthusiast Arthur Douglas was driving home to Burbank from a concert in Las Vegas. I do not recall this. Nor do I know the meaning of half of those words. Suddenly, an alien spacecraft appeared, piloted by the Mad Titan Thanos. [growls.] Thanos attacked destroying the vehicle, [evil laughter.] laughing evilly the whole time. [evil laughter.] Although he was thrown clear of the explosion, Douglas was badly injured and barely alive. - This never happened. - Stop breaking the fourth wall. I see no wall to break here, let alone four walls. [groans.] [narrator.] As I was saying, his astral form was pulled from his physical body and instantly transported across the galaxy. This story seems extremely far-fetched and confusing. The Eternal Being Kronos gave Douglas a powerful new body, transforming him into the living weapon of vengeance known as Drax-Man. [yells, grunts.] How did I get back here? And why do I feel a tingling sensation? Why is the world all blurry? Without warning, Drax-Man's Drax-sense starts tingling, alerting him that an innocent life is in danger somewhere nearby. Ah, that would explain it. [gasps.] Drax-Man! Drax-Man is in the building! Somebody get a camera! Don't just stand there, Drax! Drax-Man is in the building! Go get me those photos! Do I have to do everything myself? Drax-Man. Great Caesar's ghost, he appeared out of thin air. Security! Security! Security! For crying out loud, Drax! Drax-Man shows up here twice, and you don't get a single picture? You're fired! [echoing.] Suddenly remembering that someone is still in danger, Drax ducks into a supply closet. Uh, Drax ducks into a supply closet. For a disembodied voice, you are very demanding. Without a moment to spare, Drax transforms into the incredible Drax-Man [sniffs.] and springs into action. Too late. Drax-Man remembers that he cannot fly. [clattering.] [groans.] [car alarm blaring.] You could've mentioned that earlier. [woman.] Help! Someone, please, help! Give it up, lady. This is a robbery, not a tug o' war. [grunts, groans.] Oh, thank you, Drax-Man! You're a genuine hero, no matter what J. Jonah J'Son says. Justice served, Drax-Man basks in the adulation [fans cheering.] of his grateful but hastily drawn fans. [cheering, shouting.] This feels pleasant and very appropriate. [Gamora on comm link.] Drax, is that you? Gamora, I can barely hear you. I can't reach the others. Something is blocking our comms. [narrator.] Unknown to Drax-Man, Gamora is secretly his arch-nemesis. Every word she said to him was a lie. [handcuffs clink.] Not true. Gamora is my friend. Drax only believes Gamora is his friend because his memory was erased back in issue number 219. - I do not remember that! - What did I just say?! [Gamora.] Drax, listen. You're in danger. Wherever you are, get out of there! [narrator.] Is exactly the sort of thing a lying arch-nemesis would tell our noble hero. - Gamora, I do not understand. - [Gamora.] Run! That I understand. [thud.] Ah, this must be the fourth wall you mentioned earlier, and yet Drax did not break it. [narrator.] Tricked by his sinister arch-nemesis Gamora, Drax-Man is trapped and faces certain doom. It appears this fourth wall is about to break Drax! Drax will break the fourth wall before the fourth wall breaks Drax! [narrator.] Desperate to escape his fate, Drax-Man lands himself in even deeper jeopardy. He's part of a balanced breakfast. But can Drax-Man stay crunchy? But Drax does not wish to stay crunchy. This does not even make sense. [roars.] [Gamora on comm link.] Drax, where are you? I am facing down a very flimsy monster [roars.] a child with poor eyesight and a puny bookseller. [machinery whirring.] This place is becoming very irritating. [Gamora.] Easy, Drax. We have to find a way out of wherever you are. Tell me what you see. The machine is printing up copies of a common thief I defeated earlier. [narrator.] That's no common thief. It's the duplicate desperado known as Print-Press Paul. That is a terrible name. Oh, like "Drax-Man" is so great? [yelling.] [sneers.] Get him, boys! [grunts.] Yes! [charging yell.] Drax shall fold, spindle, and staple all who oppose him! But no matter how many Drax-Man defeats, the printing press keeps printing more. That does not seem fair. Your villainous machine cannot print without ink. [grunts.] Aah! [all whimpering.] I'm melting! [all yelling.] What a world! Ha! I have beaten you at your own game, colorful miscreants. It is possible I did not think this through carefully. [all yell.] The branch! [whimpering.] [Gamora.] Drax? Drax, what's happening now? [grunts.] Drax is defeating his foes with the power of art! [narrator.] As the ink level rises, the all-consuming deluge splashes onto Drax-Man. Your clever words cannot defeat Drax the Inker, for the pen is mightier than the sword! [laughing.] [Gamora.] Wait, Drax. Was that a metaphor? [narrator.] Drax is safe for the moment, but the rising ink carries him ever closer to the razor-sharp high-speed fans in the ceiling. - Uh, what's that supposed to be? - It is a blaster. Hey, Picasso, don't quit your day job. You will not defeat me, disembodied voice. I will use this magical branch to paint something that will silence you for good. [Gamora.] Drax, did you say you have a magical branch that can paint anything you want? Yes. But I cannot seem to paint a serviceable weapon. Then don't paint a weapon. Paint a door and get out of there! I would've thought of that, eventually. [narrator.] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Drax. Drax. Drax-Man. Buddy. Doesn't have to end like this. If you stay here, this world could be your plaything. Think about it. Why would you leave a world where you can paint anything your heart desires? What my heart desires is my friends, and a way out of this unpleasant place. So I will be leaving now, and doing my own narration. [paint squelching.] [yells.] [Drax narrating.] And so, Drax the Inker defeats the annoying Disembodied Voice, takes control of his destiny, and sets off for new adventures. To be continued.
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Part 2[]
[Quill.] Okay. The good news is, we saved the shrunken Kree home world, which is expanding back to its normal size. - The bad news - [computer.] Self-destruct in two minutes. is fairly self-explanatory. [alarm blaring.] This is it, everyone. [clicks.] Peter, wait. Did you see that mirror - in the weapons vault? - You mind, Gamora? I'm trying to spend my final moments in this galaxy with some mid-'70s one-hit wonders. They may not have to be your final moments. That mirror is called the Black Vortex. Thanos said it was an indestructible prison. Drax approves of indestructible. Yeah, well, Rocket don't approve of no prison. - I am Groot. - Good point, bud. Ain't a prison in the galaxy I can't escape. The thing is, this prison isn't exactly in the galaxy. [alarm continues blaring.] [Quill.] I don't know, Gamora. This thing looks, like, super evil. [music.] - Self-destruct in 15 seconds. - Who am I to judge? Everyone hold hands so we don't get separated. I am Groot! [yelling.] [yells.] [groaning.] Aah! What the flarg? How did I get here? Hey! This ain't my usual tail. This ain't my usual look. Where is everybody? Groot? Ya in here, bud? Or the rest of you, anyway. [automated voice.] Welcome to the Timely Corporation Distribution Warehouse. When it absolutely, positively has to get across the galaxy before the next planetary rotation. For your own safety, please stay off the conveyor belts. Come on. You guys gotta be around here somewhere. [Gamora on comm link.] Rocket. Rocket! Gamora? That you? Where are you? Scratch that. Where am I? The place you're at isn't real. You've got to get out of there. And just how the flarg am I supposed to find an exit?! Huh? Huh! Huh. That's encouraging. That not so much. Huh? That don't make any sense. Groot, you're small again! [automated voice.] All packing materials must comply with the Timely Corporation's routine durability inspection prior to shipping. Good luck. And you're about to become kindling! Groot. Groot! [automated voice.] Please remove all plants and animals from packages prior to inspection to prevent vaporization. I ain't going nowhere without my best bud, even if he is travel-sized again. Hang on, Groot! I'll get you outta this! [grunts.] Whew! Huh? Hey! Claws off the merchandise! [grunting.] Huh? Krutack! [grunting.] [yells.] [yelling.] [grunting.] For your safety, please stay off the conveyor belt. The Timely Corporation is not responsible for any bruising, impalement, incineration, encasing, folding, repackaging, dissection, laceration, electrocution, sudden loss of balance, loss of life, loss of limb, loss of fur, loss of tail, or itching. [yelling, blowing.] [panting.] Prepare package for Bubble Wrap. Eh? [muffled yelling.] There you are! Sit tight! I gotcha! Huh? Groot! Yah! [grunts.] [babbles.] Wha Hey, nobody puts my bud in the wood chipper! [grunting.] Huh! That all you got? [yelling.] Yah! [grunting.] Better appreciate what I'm doing for you, bud. [grunts.] No-good, double-crossing duct tape! You're supposed to get me out of sticky situations, not into them! Hang on, Groot! Huh? Warning. Screwdriver in use. This whole place has a screw loose! [yells.] [slow-mo.] Nooooo! [grunts.] Huh? [grunts.] We are also not responsible for dizziness, loss of lunch, fatigue, or general bad temperament. [grunts.] I'll show ya bad temperament! Warning. Pneumatic tubes are for packages only. No running, climbing, jumping, crawling, scampering, sliding, slipping, falling, or even peeking inside the tubes. [grunts.] Welcome to the Shipping Department. All packages must be clearly marked with the proper Galactic Sector Code. The Timely Corporation is not responsible for lost or damaged packages, even if we lost or damaged them. [grunting.] This is more frustrating than trying to explain a joke to Drax! Preparing package for shipment to the Waytheflargoutus System, edge of the Galactic Frontier. "Edge of the Galactic Frontier"?! Not on my watch, bolts-for-brains! [grunts.] Grooooot! [yells.] Packages ready for shipment. Preparing package for shipment to the Krutackinfarawayus System, opposite edge of the Galactic Frontier. Hey! Hey! [angry grunt.] Let me out! Sheesh! What are they packing in this place, anyway? Oh. Yeah. [maniacal laughter.] Not so fast, fly-boy. That's my bud in there! Now quit struggling, and let me reel him in! Delivery obstacle detected. All available units, eliminate obstacle. Flarg. [yells.] [chuckles.] Buy one, get the rest for free. This may be a nightmare, but the toys are an absolute dream! Krutack! I hope that crate's tougher than it looks. Uhh! Speak to me, bud. Say something. Any three words starting with "I," and "am," and ending with "Groot"! [grunts.] Obstacle acquired. Elimination in progress. Those ain't the words I was looking for. Activating Timely Corporation Security Drone. Prepare to be eliminated. I save you from getting chopped into wood chips, and this is the thanks I get? [groans.] [grunts.] - [Gamora on comm link.] Rocket! - Huh? Oh, heya, Gammy. - You need to get out of there, now! - Is Groot with you? No, I'm alone. Now go! You're out of time! Well, I ain't leaving without at least part of the real Groot! [yells.] Whoa! No. [grunts.] No. Definitely not! Ha! Yes! Gotcha, bud! Almost there. Almost there. Wait a minute. [grunts.] Seriously?! Fine. If you can't find an exit, make an exit! [grunts.] I declare a warehouse fire sale! [automated voice.] Warning. The Timely Corporation does not approve of this unauthorized use of security personnel. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Eh! [babbles.] [clangs.] Nothing personal, spark plug, but I prefer a Groot who don't run on batteries. [clangs.] [clattering.] Now to find the real Groot, and the other losers, and get the flarg outta this nightmare! [Groot groaning.] I am Groot. [sighs.] And I am suddenly alone. But how did I get here? - I am J'Que. - I am Groot. But we know each other, J'Que. Tell me, friend, have you seen the other Guardians? - I am J'Que! - I am aware of that. - Why do you not understand me? - I am J'Que! [sighs.] I am sure there is no need to get upset. Just please answer my question. Are my friends here? [crackling.] I am concerned. What is that? [door opens.] No, wait! [cries out.] J'Que! - J'Que, are you hurt? - I am J'Que! [gasps.] I am J'Que! [both grunting.] I am Groot, not your enemy! [grunts, groans.] [panting.] [panting continues.] Huh? Cosmo! We are in danger. There is a strange infection spreading throughout Knowhere. I am Cosmo. [gasps.] I am Groot. But you are not yourself. [grunts.] I am Cosmo. I am Cosmo! I am Cosmo! I am dreaming. This cannot be real! [grunts.] I am Cosmo. [grunting.] I am sorry for this. [grunts.] Cosmo, fetch! [sniffing.] I am Cosmo. [pants, thud.] [grunts.] Impossible. Our ship was destroyed! What's it? [crackling.] The infection approaches. [grunts.] [grunts.] [grunting.] My friend! I am finally free of this nightmare. I am Groot. But are you yourself? - I am Rocket. - Not you too. [gasps.] I am Rocket. [grunting.] I am Groot! I will not fight you, Rocket. And if there is anything of my true friend inside you, you will not fight me either! I am Rocket! [snarls.] [grunting.] [gunfire continues.] No, you're not! [screaming.] [music.] [women vocalizing.] [groans.] [vocalizing continues.] [wind howling softly.] [groaning.] Wha I am home? [birds twittering.] But how? My world was destroyed. [Grootlings.] We are Groot! We are Groot! I am Groot. But are you? Are you really the Grootlings I seeded? Are my people truly reborn? We are Groot! We are Groot! [chuckles.] We are Groot. And we will never again be alone in this universe. [Grootlings.] Huh? No. Not here. Not now! [straining.] [yells.] [Grootlings crying out.] [growling.] [roaring.] [roaring.] [roaring.] [thudding footfalls.] [grunting.] I am Groot. [grunts.] I am Groot! [roars.] [grunts.] [panting.] I am Groot. [grunting.] I am Groot! [Black Vortex growling.] Yes, you are Groot, and I am the Black Vortex. I have been trapped inside this prison for an eternity. Now I can finally escape. Prepare to become one with the Black Vortex. [grunting.] [straining.] Your body will be our vessel, and your sacrifice will bring forth a new galaxy. A galaxy ruled by darkness! [Gamora on comm link.] Groot, come in! Why won't you answer your comm? Groot! [wind howling softly.] [gasping.] I am Groot. Groot, I hear you. Where are you? [gasps.] I am Groot! I will not allow this! No one escapes the Black Vortex! [crying out.] [chuckling.] [laughing.] [gasps.] I am [gasps.] Groot! Okay, Groot. I understand. Lead the way. TO BE CONTINUED
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Part 3[]
[Quill.] Okay. The good news is, we saved the shrunken Kree home world, which is expanding back to its normal size. - The bad news - [computer.] Self-destruct in two minutes. is fairly self-explanatory. [alarm blaring.] This is it, everyone. [clicks.] Peter, wait. Did you see that mirror - in the weapons vault? - You mind, Gamora? I'm trying to spend my final moments in this galaxy with some mid-'70s one-hit wonders. They may not have to be your final moments. That mirror is called the Black Vortex. Thanos said it was an indestructible prison. Drax approves of indestructible. Yeah, well, Rocket don't approve of no prison. - I am Groot. - Good point, bud. Ain't a prison in the galaxy I can't escape. The thing is, this prison isn't exactly in the galaxy. [alarm continues blaring.] [Quill.] I don't know, Gamora. This thing looks, like, super evil. - Self-destruct in 15 seconds. - Who am I to judge? Everyone hold hands so we don't get separated. I am Groot! [yelling.] [yelling.] [yelling.] [groaning.] Huh? O-kay. What am I doing back here in the cockpit? Of my ship that blew up?! Guys? Hello? Anybody else feel weird? Wow. Okay. I gotta lay off the midnight snacks. Oh, creepy but cool. Hah! I suddenly feel very flexible. [upbeat music.] And speaking of flexible [chuckles.] Ah! [chuckles.] Oh, hey, Mr. Quill, do you want to go careening into a black mirror prison? Oh. Oh, no! [laughs.] Sweet! I'm all Drax-jacked, without even working out. [laughs, grunts.] Whoa. [groans.] [blowing.] [yells.] [murmuring.] [grunts.] Oh, there. Well, that's more like it. [groans.] Well, mostly more like it. [alarm blares.] Am I melting? [computer beeping.] Yep, I'm melting. Holy krutack, I'm melting! Okay, uh, I, uh, gotta cool the place down. [techno music.] [blows.] Aw, turning to steam. Stupid science! Eh. Huh? Okay. Look, there's gotta be some explanation for this. [automated voice.] Warning. Ship is on collision course with unidentified sun. Re-correct course or suffer a 27-million-degree fiery doom. Not the explanation I was hoping for! [automated voice.] Warning. Ship on collision course with unidentified sun. Prepare for incineration. [laughter.] Ah! Man, those are some graphic graphics. I gotta turn this ship around before I'm Star-Lord soup! Oh, come on! Does everything have to be a taffy pull right now? [grunts.] Oh snap, my arm! My arm just Huh. Didn't even hurt. Hah! Now I know how Groot feels. Okay. Easy there. Easy there. Oh, easy. I need both my arms to turn this boat around. [grunts.] [annoyed grunt.] Come on. Give me a hand here. Preferably mine! Really? [grunting.] Let's go. Let's go! This sun isn't getting any cooler! Please be a nice arm. Come back. I I promise I'll do more bicep curls, okay? Whoa! [groans.] Get back here! [yells.] [thud.] [groans.] [sighs.] Yeah. Very funny. Ha-ha! Thought you could get the upper hand! [blows raspberry.] Hey, that joke was a classic! Ow! Ow! Oh. Give me a break here. We're melting, remember? [slaps.] [groaning.] Ow! You know, if you're gonna struggle, I'm just gonna keep you at arm's length. Which is no good when it's your own arm. [groaning.] Come on! [grunting.] Ooh, wait. Right there. Now left. A little lower. Higher. Higher. Dang it, it moved! Lower again! [bell dings.] [knuckles cracking.] [blow lands.] [birds chirping.] Oh, a wise guy, huh? [Gamora on comm link.] Quill. Quill, do you read me? [groans.] Gamora? Hang on, I'm here! Gamora, where are you? For that matter, where am I? We're inside the Black Vortex. It's a prison dimension that can take on any form. Would "any form" include being made of putty and careening toward a sun? Listen carefully, Quill. You need to get a flower. Now is not the time to brighten up the cockpit! [sighs.] Focus, Quill. I mean a Groot flower. Oh. Groot's branches seem to be functioning as some sort of divining rod. Follow it, and it will bring us all together. That sounds improbable, but so is being made of clay, so I'll give it a shot. Hurry. Yeah, that's not gonna be an issue. Okay, branch, guide me out of here. Seriously? You think you're gonna stop me from grabbing that branch? Hah! Yeah, nice try. Too bad these Element Blasters only work for me. Oh right! You are a part of me. [grunts.] [straining.] Okay. This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. Probably. This ends now. We can either blast each other or melt together. Your choice. [distorted grunting.] [grunts.] There's gonna be a play at the plate! Here's the slide. And he's safe! [grunting.] Okay. No way out below decks. Well, maybe I can eject through the canopy. [groans.] This is like trying to escape from inside a S'more! - Quill! How's it going? - Not great. I'm about to melt like a candy bar in my pocket. To be continued. I hope. Gotta go! Okay, look, I get it. You're mad. I got the branch. But we're running outta time here! If I melt, so do you! [yells.] Aah! Help me out here. What exactly do you want from me? Hey! Watch it! Oh. Oh, wait, I get it. We're on the same team. You're trying to help! [bell dings.] And if I melt myself, we can ooze on down the road before the ship burns up! [sighs.] Oh, welcome home, buddy. Okay, here goes nothing. Oh, man. Now I know how the candy bar in my pocket feels. [Rocket.] Yo, Groot. Quill. Gammy! Drax! Anybody? Where the flarg am I? [Gamora on comm link.] You're inside the Black Vortex. It's a prison dimension that can take on any form. [sighs.] Gamora. You're a sound for sore ears. Where are you? I'm not sure, but I think I know how we can find each other. - Do you have your Groot branch? - Heh. You kiddin' me? The creature ain't been born that could wrestle this - from my cold, lifeless paws. - Make sure they don't. If you follow the flower, it should bring us back together. Good ol' Groot. Still helpin' out by openin' a branch office. Huh? I'm starting to feel funny. [screams.] I don't know what's going on, but this place is seriously flarged! Okay, branch, do your stuff and find me a way outta here. [sniffing.] [screams.] Whoa! Hey, slow down! [screams, groans.] [groans.] Easy, boy! Heel! - This rug burn is fryin' my fur! - Ah! A bear! - I ain't no bear! [bird chirping.] - Ah! A rodent! And I certainly ain't no ro Ho-ho-ho! [screams.] Hello, exterminator? I need help! Exterminator? Hey, listen half-a-lady, you got it all wrong! [tires screeching.] [footsteps approaching.] [clank.] Wait, I know this. Oversized hammer Naw, it can't be. I am Ronan, the Exterminator! And you are accused of being a bothersome pest. [whimpering.] [yelling.] [grunts.] Stop! [growling.] [yelling.] [hammer blows landing.] Hah! Ya missed me! But I ain't gonna miss you! [whimpers.] - Okay. This ain't normal. - Huh? [chuckles.] I will cleanse you, vermin. You're gonna have to catch me first! [crash.] [groans.] Wah! [screaming.] Yeesh, take it easy, will ya? [screaming.] [grunts, groans.] Not sure I wanna know where I pulled this from. [grunts.] Resistance is futile, rodent! I will bring the hammer of justice down on your head. Ain't my head I'm worried about. And I ain't no rodent! [yelling.] [grunts.] [yelling.] [grunting.] [yelling.] [crashing.] Heh. Not bad for pullin' stuff outta thin air. It's like I'm in my own Pocket Dimension Storage Vial. [sniffing.] I think I actually got the hang of this place! Rocket, have you found Drax yet? Not yet. This crazy branch is getting' me nowhere! Oh, so ya finally decided to do your job. I suddenly feel very light on my feet. Fine friend you turned out to be. [heavy thud.] [bird chirping.] No more trash for me, Ma. I'm full. [babbling.] Now where'd that no-good branch go? Huh? Heh. Show-off. Hey, come back here! [chuckles.] Seriously? Big house, tiny rake? Like I'm dumb enough to fall for that gag. [thud.] [groans.] [groaning.] [sniffing.] Now what do you want? Whoa. [crying out.] Uh-oh, I'm bein' tailed. Let's see if this cartoon stuff really works. [bell dinging.] Whew. [heavy thud.] [groans.] Seriously, what's up with gravity in this place? Whew. Looks like I'm outta the woods. Even though, you know, I'm still in the woods. [screams.] [whimpering.] Okay tall, dark, and shadowy. Enough already! Ow! Only one guy I know with a head that hard. Drax! I found you! I would argue that your random blunt instruments found me first. Why you gotta be so krutackin' literal all the time? Anyway, it's good to see your ugly mug. [flower sniffing.] I possess no such drinking receptacle. [yells.] Skip it! How'd ya find me? It appears that this Groot branch somehow led me to this strange place. [both sniffing.] Why didn't ya just tell me it was you? I got kinda spooked by your shadow followin' me around like that. [laughing.] Timid woodland creature! A shadow cannot harm you. [laughs.] - [Ronan.] Excellent. - Huh? [both scream.] I now have two vermin to exterminate from this world. Ronan! I shall exact my revenge! [grunts.] [airplane whirring.] [heavy crash.] [laughs.] Sorry, Drax, but that's hysterical! [laughs, groans.] I will take these pieces of foliage as proof that I have cleansed this world of your presence. [birds chirping.] [both groaning.] These tiny spacecraft are perplexing. I do not understand this world. We gotta get those branches back! Shake it off! And no, that's not a metaphor. This means war. [music.] [grunts.] Yoink! Hah! Too easy! [groans.] Rocket was in front of you, then you were in front of him. I still do not understand how this world works. Or why I suddenly have this spear in my hand. Whoa! [babbling.] [groans.] [chittering.] [clatter.] [cat yowls.] [groans.] [crashing.] Sorry! [squealing.] [yells, groans.] You idiot! We're on the same side! - Sorry, I thought it was my turn. - Eh, don't matter. What's important is we got those branches back. [Ronan.] But not for long. [growling.] - Rocket? - Yeah? I hate to express concern, but does it bother you that we are headed for a certain demise off a cliff of undetermined height? Nah, this is exactly what we need. [growling.] Now, Drax, whatever you do, don't look down. Why? What will happen if I look [growls.] Oh I thought I told ya not to look down. Sorry, I still do not understand this world. Hmm. Hmm? Mmm! [groans.] - What do we do now? - Simple, my friend. We iris out. [cartoonish music.] TO BE CONTINUED
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Part 4[]
[Quill.] Okay. The good news is, we saved the shrunken Kree home world, which is expanding back to its normal size. - The bad news - [computer.] Self-destruct in two minutes. is fairly self-explanatory. [alarm blaring.] This is it, everyone. [clicks.] Peter, wait. Did you see that mirror - in the weapons vault? - You mind, Gamora? I'm trying to spend my final moments in this galaxy with some mid-'70s one-hit wonders. They may not have to be your final moments. That mirror is called the Black Vortex. Thanos said it was an indestructible prison. Drax approves of indestructible. Yeah, well, Rocket don't approve of no prison. - I am Groot. - Good point, bud. Ain't a prison in the galaxy I can't escape. The thing is, this prison isn't exactly in the galaxy. [alarm continues blaring.] [Quill.] I don't know, Gamora. This thing looks, like, super evil. - Self-destruct in 15 seconds. - Who am I to judge? Everyone hold hands so we don't get separated. I am Groot! [yelling.] [yelling.] [Gamora on comm link.] Quill, keep following your Groot branch. I think we're getting closer to each other. [Quill.] Ten-four, good buddy. I still don't know how we got separated. We all jumped into the mirror together. Thanos once described the Black Vortex as a prison of your own making. But I don't know if he meant that it's a physical place, a state of mind, or something else. - Quill? Quill? - Oh, cool! Wait. What's cool? Nothing should be cool. Quill, where are you? What's going on? Quill, what's happening? [8-bit era video game music.] Ah! Only the coolest thing ever! [8-bit version of Guardians of the Galaxy theme.] This can't possibly end well. [8-bit era video game music.] [Gamora on comm link.] Quill, do you read me? Something's wrong. My Groot flower's fading. Where are you? [beeping.] - [Quill.] Sit tight, Gamora. - Quill! Don't worry. It's just the game starting. [gasps.] Quill! What did you do? What happened to me? Where are we? [Quill.] A wondrous place where I spent many golden hours of my childhood. A place where I lived and died, one quarter at a time. Welcome to the world of video games! Okay, I get it. You're excited. - But stop fidgeting! - We're not fidgeting. It's just the way you move in 8-bit. And this is the way I move in 8-bit. Dad? [beeping.] Welcome, brave warriors. Take one of these items to help you on your quest. The Shield of Unknowable Fate! The Sword of Limitless Courage. Aw, it's the Flute of Infinite Melody! Oh, man, we gotta pick the right one. - [Gamora sighs.] - Gamora, wait! [yells.] [grunts.] Okay, first, you should've picked the Flute of Infinite Melody, which was clearly the most powerful item. I know it's counter-intuitive, but trust me on that. And second, you can't just take out the only helpful character in the game! First, it was J'Son, so he's probably evil. And second, I'm not interested in playing games. The realities created by the Black Vortex are just distractions. We need to get out of here and find the others, fast. [grunts.] [grunting.] Yeah, this is a co-op side scroller. You can only move forward together. And once you leave an area, you can't go back. - [chimes.] Coins! Yes! - Quill, wait. This is a stupid waste of time even by your standards. [beeping.] Coins! Coins, coins! Coins! [beeping continues.] I mean, I know you're normally distracted by shiny objects, - but why are you doing this? - It's how you score points. Come on. You better hurry. I'm gonna get 'em all. F'sakis! Stay back! Wait. They can shoot fireballs? [grunts.] [bell jingling.] Aw, man. [groans.] I hate when that happens. [yells.] [grunting.] Oh. What a surprise. This video game sword is completely useless against these things. - Duh. - Aah! See, the Flute would've put them to sleep. So we'll have to use an old-school method. Watch and learn. [grunts.] [grunts.] - This is ridiculous. - Yeah, ridiculously effective! [screeches.] [groans.] [grunts.] I hate it when he's right. [both grunting.] [beeping.] That's it! [grunting continues.] - Come on! Let's go! - Go where? The end of the level, where you find the princess. We're not looking for a princess. No, but we are looking for Groot. [music.] Will you just let me do the talking this time? [beeping.] Hello, great wizard. Please, we Okay, old man, where's Groot? [groans.] Your Groot is in the next castle. But some stones hold secrets. Wait. You mean we have to go through all that again - to find another castle? - Oh, maybe not. I think there's a hidden shortcut in here somewhere. [beeping.] I'm through playing. [yells.] Okay, you have to stop slicing the people we need. Now, unless we find another shortcut, we have to go through - every level until we reach the end. - How many levels are there? Two hundred and fifty-six. It's a pretty standard number in video games. [beeping.] [music.] [fanfare music.] [electricity arcing.] So, we have to go through this 255 more times? Well, if you hold them off, I might be able to enter a cheat code. Wait. Hold who off? [grunts.] Ronan! [grunting.] Seriously? Left-right-left-up-down- up-A-B [groans.] No, it was right-left-up- down-A-B-left-right-down-up [groans.] Right-right-left- up-up-down-down! - Quill, what are you doing? - Oh, give me a break. I'm a little rusty. Left-left-right-down-down-up-up! [grunts, yells.] Aaahh! Gamora! [gasps.] - What What just happened? - You lost your life. Be careful. You only have two left. [music.] [yelling.] [grunts.] Left-down-left-up- down-right-up! Yes! Oh, Princess Bubble Funtime Flotation Suits! Quick, put it on. No. Just no. Hurry. We can fly straight to the final boss level. [yells.] [groans.] Why does the Vortex keep trying to put me in ridiculous clothes? [music.] - [sighs.] You will tell no one about this. - Well, why tell [beeping.] [camera shutter clicks.] when you can show? [8-bit music.] [music.] Well, that's weird. On the last screen, you usually have to fight some huge boss monster. Fools! I have lured you to your doom! [menacing music.] [roaring.] [evil laughter.] Dad is the bad guy. I knew it! You did not! You kept saying we should trust him. Well, that's not how video games work. - Aah! [evil laughter.] - Quill! Oh, wow. - That was so weird. - Quill, focus! [grunts, yells.] [grunts, yells.] Got a cheat code for this? No cheat codes on the boss level. Only video game techniques will work. - But how? We can't reach him. - [roaring.] - Time to beat the boss. [yells.] - Quill! Oh, come on! I didn't know he could do that. - So what now? - Normally, I'd play the game [evil laughter.] a hundred times and figure out all the patterns. But we're on our last lives. [Quill.] Oh, super power-up pizza! I'll keep J'Son busy. You eat it. - How is eating gonna help? - Trust me, ya always eat the blinky-flashy things in video games. [evil laughter.] Hey, beardo! Your graphics are low-res, and your level design is lame. [chomping.] [yells, grunts.] [grunting.] [grunting.] [beeping.] [grunts, panting.] [beeping.] You may have won the game, but you'll never escape. - Where's Groot? - Your Groot is not in this castle. I'll bet ya this map you dropped will show us the way, am I right? [yells.] [fanfare music.] [beeping.] Ha! I beat you. Whoa. I thought you weren't playing. I'm not. I'm winning. In that case, game over! [beeping.] [insects chirping.] [birds squawking.] - Ehh. - Sore loser. I guess I'm the new high score champion. Are not. Look, that was a co-op game. I told you to get the super power-up. Do we wanna know what he's yammering on about? Rocket! Drax! Uh, what are you guys doing here? We could ask you the same question. - What are you doing here? - And apparently we will. - Well, the important thing is we're all back together. - Ew. - Now we just have to find Groot. - Ugh! Looks like he's still out there. This map should lead us right to him. - So, lead the way champ. - Hmm, mm [sucking teeth.] Uh Mm, mm Yeah Maybe indulging in your childhood diversions - wasn't a total waste of time. - That admission of my rightness wouldn't have anything to do with a photo of a certain someone wearing a Princess Bubble Super Funtime Flotation Suit, would it? One more word, and I remove that mask with your head still in it. [both laughing.] [snickering.] [Rocket.] So we found each other in this crazy Black Vortex, but we still ain't found Groot. Just keep following the glowing flowers. Groot's branches will lead us right to him. Who needs branches, Gamora? I got a map. A map which is leading us to the exact same place as the branches. I don't trust the Black Vortex or Quill's map-reading. But I trust Groot. He's inside. [Rocket.] Well, this ain't ominous. At all. I disagree, Rocket. It is extremely ominous. [Rocket sighs.] You just gotta suck the joy out of sarcasm, don't ya, Drax? The Black Vortex can read our minds. It knows our fears and can bring our greatest enemies to life. So clear your minds! And definitely do not think about Thanos. Eh Aww! [roars.] - Really, Drax? Ronan?! - I did not think of Thanos. But I never truly had my final battle with Ronan. Come to me, Destroyer, and we can battle forever! The taste of vengeance will always be on your lips. [yells.] [grunts.] [both grunting.] [groans.] I'll show ya vengeance! Don't listen. It's the Black Vortex talking. - It's inside our minds. - Well, the joke's on the Black Vortex. Because you don't have a mind? No. Because Ronan isn't my greatest enemy. [water splashing.] [Rocket.] But he is. We have all eternity here, son. Let's hug it out. Thanks, Dad, but you're already taking up way too much of my headspace. Aah! [grunts.] [grunts.] [yells, grunts.] Remember why we're here. Don't fall into the Black Vortex's trap! [grunts.] Yes, I am not here to seek vengeance, but to rescue a friend in need. And ain't nothing gonna stand in our way! Huh? [yells.] [grunts.] [grunting.] Well, that wasn't so hard. - He is right behind me, isn't he? - Sort of. Ehh [both roaring.] Hey! No fair combining! We have to work together. Eat pyro-bombs, goo-face! [grunts.] [yells.] [yells.] Focus your attacks! Concentrate on the same spot! Huh? [Drax yells.] [weapon powering up.] [grunts.] [yelling.] Huh? Groot must be through there. [roars.] I am the Black Vortex. Groot? You cannot stop me, fragile fleshlings. I will escape this wretched prison and rule the galaxy. That's the mirror we came in through. He's trying to escape into our universe. He will not escape my wrath! Easy, Drax. That wrath might hurt Groot. The real Groot. He's still in there somewhere. The entire universe is at stake. We have to do whatever it takes to stop the Black Vortex even if it means sacrificing Groot. [Black Vortex Groot roars.] [Quill.] No way. We're a team, and no man, woman, plant, or not-rodent-thing gets left behind. [grunting.] Stay away from the mirror! [both grunting.] You Guardians are nothing but failures, outcasts, and thieves! [groans.] I've looked into your hearts. Deep down, you know your past victories were merely blind luck. I shall leave you here, imprisoned for all eternity, lost and forgotten. [grunts.] [grunts.] You will never leave this place! All that strength, and you could not save your own family. Nothing can destroy your shame! [yells.] [grunts.] Stay back! [grunts.] [grunts, groans.] Deep down, you know you deserve this fate, daughter of Thanos. You could never atone for your past deeds. I can't let ya do it, bud. I know you're still in there. So you'll forgive me. [grunts.] How can you hope to save the galaxy when you can't even save your only friend? Once again, you will be alone in the universe. Get outta my bud! [yells.] [cries out, groans.] [Rocket.] That branch! It's driving out the black goo! - If we can reattach the others - Maybe we can cure Groot! [Black Vortex Groot groaning.] [roaring.] I'll keep him distracted. We may be a bunch of lost, broken losers [grunts.] but Groot is our friend, and we're not letting him go without a fight! [crying out.] [yells.] [grunts.] [grunts.] [crying out.] [grunts.] I am Groot! I'd never leave ya, bud. Never. [roaring.] - Uh, speaking of leaving - Everyone through the mirror, now! [roars.] [pants, grunts.] Drop that mirror! Drop it! [grunting.] [Gamora, Drax grunt.] [Groot.] I am Grooooot! No! I got ya, bud! [grunts.] [Quill.] Do like Gamora said. Concentrate on the same spot, together! [Black Vortex Groot yells.] Go! Go! [all grunt.] [Black Vortex Groot.] No! I cannot be defeated by the likes of you. I am unstoppable! I am decay! I am I am Groot! [grunting.] [yells.] [groans.] Noooooo! [groans, sighs.] Yes! See that, universe? We saved you again! [Gamora.] Give it a rest, Quill. There's no one here. Where are we? I do not recognize this place. [Quill.] I don't either, but I like it. [Gamora.] "In honor of the brave heroes who gave their lives to save the galaxy"? [Rocket.] Uh, guys, how long have we been gone? [music.]
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